I’m sure most mothers of daughters will agree – from the moment your daughter is born, after the initial 10 fingers and toes inspection has been completed, you begin to visualize your daughters life.  Some of the things you imagine would also apply to a son, but a lot will not.  Things in your list might include: choosing her baptism dress, braiding her hair and storytime after an evening bath, her first day of school, watching princess movies together and watching her dreams of finding her own Prince Charming form, having the birds-and-the-bees talk, her first date, followed up by first heartbreak, taking her for her prom dress, high school graduation, taking her to college, college graduation and eventually the BIG ONE – – her wedding day!  Let’s be clear – it’s YOUR potential version, the version she creates herself might be, probably will be, far from that vision.

Yet, as her Mom, you still dream. One by one, most of the time much faster than we can imagine at her birth, the milestones pass. You find yourself wanting time to slow, just at the right moments, so you can savor the special times you know will only come once. Michelle was the easiest baby, sleeping fully through the night by three months old. She would nurse during the day, and Bill would feed her a bottle at bedtime. My favorite time with her was the early morning feeding, before the world was awake and it was just the two of us. I remember being relieved, and later sad that she started skipping those feedings. It was the first of countless bittersweet times with my girl.

Its probably worth acknowledging that mothers of daughters have the potential for some extra drama that you may not have with boys. This was absolutely true in my house. Michelle was always a strong-willed child, which was challenging during her toddler years, and frustrating when she reached elementary school. By the time she entered Junior High and finally High School, we were in full opposition mode. We went through times when I wasn’t sure how we were going to get her safely into adulthood, as I was just shy of wanting to ground her for life. There were times I cried on Bill’s shoulder, “she HATES me!” I remember very clearly the first time she actually told me to my face that she hated me (for the record she said it twice), and I calmly replied “If you didn’t hate me sometimes, then I’m not doing my job right.” She was 12 years old and, at this point, I have no idea what I didn’t let her do, or made her do, or whatever happened to cause that outburst. What I do know for sure is afterward I went into a different room and quietly cried until I could regain my composure.

Thankfully, Michelle was a very good student, always pushing herself to get good grades. She was, from a young age, an avid reader and writer. She would complain because I would remind her about homework, so I believe she was in 6th grade when we, at Bill’s urging, struck a deal. I wouldn’t say one word about her school work until report cards came out. If she did well, then I would continue to not say a word, but, if her grades suffered the deal was off and she was grounded. I never had to remind her about homework again. In High School, she consistently made honor roll, even in the various AP classes she took. She excelled in anything English and art related, but maintained respectable grades in her other classes as well. I loved to hear her practice her flute and piccolo, especially after the private lessons began paying off. Lit Mag was her favorite club. Marching Band took up a lot of her time in the fall, and Bill and I loved being band parents.

The arguments between us weren’t frequent – but wow! – could be brutal when they did happen.

My daughter, who turned 28 years old just 10 days before her wedding, had dated other guys before meeting Derek. Some hearts were broken along the way. Most of them were nice enough guys, but right from the beginning, we knew Derek was different. She called me the day after she met him, in November 2013, telling me the story of how they met.  A mutual friend was defending her manuscript for her M.F.A. and when Michelle arrived, the only seat left open was next to Derek.  Later that evening at the celebration, when Derek arrived late, the only seat left was next to Michelle. I could hear the excitement in her voice.  “Mom – I met this guy!” When she brought him home to Reading to meet us, Bill and I both agreed he was different, in a very good way.  Just the way she looked at him, and he at her, the way they interacted, we felt he could be “the one!” He was smart, had a great job, and was very confident and comfortably sure of himself, but not in an annoying arrogant way. Didn’t hurt that he was tall and very handsome!  Bonus!  He met one of the most important requirements – he was a cat lover! I could hardly wait after they left to call and tell my own Mom all about him!

It was right around that same time that Bill and I were getting ready to sell the house. There was a lot of craziness in our lives, a lot of transition.  We had already purchased our truck and 5th Wheel trailer, but the house needed to sell, then Bill would give notice and leave his job. When we had our last party at the house, Michelle came home alone, as Derek had a work commitment. By this time, a few months later, they were spending a lot of time together.  Michelle would tell me about what they were doing, and spoke a lot saying “we” verses “I.”

After the house sold and we closed, one of our first stops was to see her, and Derek, of course.  As we listened to her talk about him, and watched them together, our initial assessment was holding up. We visited him at his job and saw him in action, and we were impressed.

It was not a surprise when Michelle called me, in the summer of 2016, while we were in Alaska, to tell me she was planning to propose.  Yes – you read that right – she popped the question. My daughter is about as non-traditional as they come, so this was not a shocker to us, as it may have been for some. The following morning, it was not a surprise when we heard from her again that there would be a wedding!  He said YES!  While she was talking with Bill, I thought for the first time “I’m the Mother of the Bride!” Immediately following that thought, I got all choked up and started crying.  Our baby girl was getting married! Of course I wished I could have hugged her at that moment, but alas, we were about 4,700 miles away!  One negative to full-time RVing, unless something is planned in advance, being there for special moments isn’t always possible.

Since we wouldn’t be back for a few months, I didn’t get to screen and help choose the venue with them.  While I was somewhat disappointed about that, Derek’s Mom went along, so that was nice. They chose an awesome location! Not long after the engagement, they decided to leave Pittsburgh and buy a house near Derek’s family in Somerset, about an hour and a half away.  Again, Bill and I would have loved to go along, as our parents did for us, helping them choose their new home. Once again, Derek’s Mom & Dad were there for them.  Guess I needed to get used to sharing my girl!

We finally got to see them in early November and get those hugs!  They had chosen her ring together and was gorgeous!  Pictures she sent didn’t do it justice.  The house they choose was also amazing!  We had taken a FaceTime tour – but in person was much better! We visited the venue and they couldn’t have picked a better place!  So them!

During that visit, Michelle and I had an appointment at a recommended bridal shop, MB Bride, not far from her.  This was our first official wedding planning appointment together! I was so excited! Michelle explained what she wanted to our consultant and we got busy looking at gowns!  After about 5 or so, she put on one that was different – and she got a goofy little grin on her face and said “I LIKE this one.”  Not overly excited, with just that little smile that wasn’t there before.  She put on a few others, just to be sure, and then put the favorite back on one more time.  We had a winner! My baby girl said “YES!” to the dress! I will admit here I did choke up – just a little!  The gown was amazing and looked like it was made just for her!

It was my turn next, so our assistant led us to the section for Mother-of-the-Bride.  I had strict instructions – nothing frumpy – which I was totally on-board with.  After trying on about 6 or 7, we both agreed on one.  It had a lace overlay and came in a gorgeous color that I would have called Wine, but they called it cranberry.  Who cares what they call the color – it was perfect! That day with my daughter, shopping for and choosing her wedding dress, and my Mother-of-the-Bride dress, was one I will never forget. One of those times I mentioned earlier, when I wished time would slow down.

Other days we shared planning the wedding were also special. One stand-out was going with my niece, Jaime, the Maid of Honor, to choose her dress. Planning her shower, with Jaime, then attending the shower, was a great experience.  Yet another was going to the venue for the official tasting, helping to decide the food and wine options that would be offered to guests the day of the wedding. Another awesome day was the day Michelle, Jaime and I went for our hair and make-up trail!  Fun, special times.

As a parent, the absolute most important part of the wedding is feeling assured that your child is marrying the right person. Bill and I can easily and in full confidence say we believe our son-in-law is the perfect match for our Michelle. They love one another, that is evident when you watch them together. They support and challenge one another, they share some similar interests, yet also maintain their own separate activities. They share a love for their kitties – there is no way Michelle would have married a man that didn’t love cats as much as she did.

I’d like to think her father and I, and Derek’s parents for him, set the bar high as an example of what a lasting marriage can be. Never perfect, but for forever together. I remember my own wedding, some 32 years ago, and a lot of it is a blur. I know for Michelle exact memories will fade into the distance and the photo album will have to be pulled out to remind her of the smaller details. What I hope lasts a lifetime, as it has for me, is when looking back, are feelings of “I did good” and “I would do it all again” and “I cannot imagine my life without you.”

I mentioned, in the sister post to this one, about a photo montage my friend, Lee, put together for me to show at the rehearsal dinner. I’d like to add it here, just in case anyone wants to take the 7 or so minutes it takes to watch. Maeve Michelle & Derek   The last song is “My Wish” by the Rascal Flatts.  We became familiar with it when attending an RV-Dreams rally and, for me, these lyrics perfectly convey what I wish for my daughter and son-in-law.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

Thanks everyone, for indulging me a little in this unusual blog post!  I really wanted to get this down “on paper” before the feelings faded.  As I post this, it is Derek & Michelle’s 6 month anniversary – so this is for them!

Last thoughts:

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